The Eurovision Song Contest is over for another year, as some of you may be elated to hear. I apologise to those who I swamped with tweets last night, I promised myself I wouldn't tweet much about it to begin with but then I caved. I had an absolutely fantastic night as always, I always enjoy the complete and utter cheese of the night, the overwhelming political voting, but most of all I enjoy the really bloody catchy tunes.
I'm sure you all know by now that Denmark won with the Les Mis-esque 'Only Teardrops', complete with uniformed drummers and a fife player, or at least I'm assuming that's the instrument he was playing. Every year, I'm disappointed by the winner, because I have this naive hope that politics will swing to one side for just a second. The last, and probably only time I've ever been happy with a winner was Lordi back in 2006. For your viewing pleasure, here's that moment again.
I never fully support the UK's entry because in recent years, we've lost sight of what it takes to win Eurovision. Politics aside, the competition needs a catchy, cheesy, repetitive song, preferably with extravagant outfits or a novelty or five. To demonstrate, this year's winner had the Les Mis theme, the second place Azerbaijan entry had a man in a perspex box being all gymnastic and shit, and Ukraine's third place entry involved a 7 foot tall giant.
On top of all that, this country seems to think raking up old acts will get us somewhere. Yes, Bonnie Tyler is great, but the song was awful. Engelbert Dinklehump fell so hard I can't even begin to describe it in words. Do I need to go on? I lost faith in the UK in 2007, back when we were actually given a choice as to who represented us. The country rejected Justin Hawkins' entry at the audition stages and instead used Scooch. Remember them? The flight attendants on crack? Yeah, they got far didn't they?
So anyway, as you might be able to tell from my Twitter, I'm not best pleased with the songs that scored well, so here are my winners, who I voted for on the night and deserved an awful lot more points in my eyes.
Robin Stjernberg - You
I'm addicted to this song. Not so much the dancing, which is half of what let them down on the night, but he has such control over his voice, I'm in love. A wee Morten Harket from A-Ha right here. I was gutted they didn't get very far, but that might well be down to the fact their country was hosting already.
Dorians - Lonely Planet
Not only is this song produced by Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath, but performed by a show of eyebrows, sunglasses and a great guitarist. Sure, it's eco-rock, it's corny, but that's Eurovision for you.
Cezar - It's My Life
Bet you didn't see that voice coming, did you? This had Eurovision written all over it - an unexpected key change and a heck of an outfit. I can't see myself singing it in the shower though, but Cezar does a cracking job.
To quote Ana Matronic, 'they say under every great man's dress is a great woman'.
Gianluca Bezzina - Tomorrow
I'm a little biased because I'm part Maltese, but this tune got me smiling and tapping my toes, so I'm proud of this little man! The story of Jeremy from IT reminded me of 500 Days Of Summer, only without the unexpectedly shite ending.
Dina Garipova - What If
Doesn't this girl remind you of Kelly Clarkson? This seemed like a belter of a Eurovision-esque song, admittedly a little ironic for Russia given their past... but it placed fifth, so it impressed a fair amount of voters.
To round off this lengthy Europost, here's a few interesting Eurovision facts for you:
♠ Kazakhstan will be joining in 2014, proving this contest goes way beyond Europe!
♠ If you thought the UK was on a bad luck streak, Portugal has taken part in the contest since 1964 and has never placed in the top five, let alone won.
♠ Ireland has won the contest seven times, yet this year they finished last.
♠ Lordi's win for Finland was the country's first in 45 years of competing!
♠ Winning countries declined to host the contest due to expense four times in the 60s and 70s, and as a result the BBC hosted them in London, Edinburgh and Brighton.
♠ The UK received nil points for the first time in 2003 thanks to Jemini, the year t.A.T.u came third!
You think it's over? Not by any means. In the next few days I'll post about my all time favourite Eurovision songs... I'm not even sorry.
Who was your winner this year?