Wednesday, 13 November 2013

Merry Christmas, I could care less...


I couldn't agree with Sir Corey Taylor more on this one. Christmas is not my 'thing', and I don't think it ever will be. It's not for want of trying though, every year I pull out a Christmas playlist and try and get into the fully festive spirit, but after 21 failed years, I've figured it just isn't for me. But wait, I have perfectly valid reasons.

1. For a start, the Christmas decorations come into shops just before Halloween, so my favourite holiday is ruined by wading through tinsel and fake snow to reach my skulls and pumpkins.

2. The optimism. I'm the most pessimistic person you'll ever meet, therefore a holiday dedicated to cheerful, colourful celebrations is not my bag, baby. Take your vibrant colours elsewhere guys.

3. The consumerism. Obviously, it's a religious holiday, but I'm not religious so that's also another aspect that's wasted on me. While throwing away money is my forte, but I'd much rather fritter my pennies on something useful in comparison to glistening lights that everyone gets sick of after five minutes.

4. The celebration of the cold. I hate the cold with a passion, so I don't wish to be reminded of the snow and sub-zero temperatures by throwing fake snow around my house.


5. The tree. Could you think of something more high maintenance than bringing a pine tree into your home, only to spend hours decorating it while everyone in the house argues over the fact you have too many baubles on one side than the other. Symmetry is key in my life, and I can never get a tree perfectly symmetrical, so I've stopped trying.

6. The adverts. The jingle bells, the crappy jingles, the old men dressed unconvincingly as Santa with an elastic beard - it just doesn't cut it for me.

7. The shoppers. Everyone in my area has sharp elbows when it comes to shopping anyway, but they sharpen them specifically for Christmas and all the normal rules of common decency and public etiquette fly out of the window when they're rushing to get their last minute things. Plan ahead, kids.

8. Christmas dinner. I'm a vegetarian, I don't like roast potatoes and I don't like cranberry sauce, so I just have a plate of mash, Quorn sausages, sprouts and carrots. It might as well be another Sunday.

9. The party season. Sorry, but can we change this around? Why is the party season in the middle of winter when I can't leave the house without five layers and gloves on? How on earth am I expected to go to a party in a skirt in this weather?!

But I couldn't insult the entire holiday, could I? There are some redeeming factors, for example...

1. Elf. The best Christmas movie bar none.

2. The pop songs. While everyone else is blocking their ears and turning off their radios, I'm loving the holiday songs. I could listen to 'Merry Xmas Everybody' every year and still not get bored of it, and it's not just because I love Noddy Holder. But I'm still holding a grudge that The Darkness were beaten to the Christmas Number One, let's face it, this song was a classic.


3. Punk rock Christmas songs. It's nice to hear some original Christmas songs for once, and punk bands do them best. Also, Pete Wentz looks amazing in this thumbnail. Let's just appreciate that thumbnail for a sec...


4. Candy canes. I stock up on these beauties every year and I'll be found gnawing on one every day, just because I frickin' love candy.

But that's it, I'm afraid. I'll probably never convert to loving Christmas, but that's just my opinion. You won't find me dressing as a slutty Santa's little helper and you certainly won't find me carol singing, but I can tolerate it.


What do you love/hate about Christmas?

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4 comments:

  1. I agree with pretty much everything you said, except the Elf thing but I think I'm the weird one there. I hate how bloody early Christmas seems to creep in to everything, shops around uni started stocking advent calendars in September!

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  2. I don't understand why people celebrate Christmas if they hate it so much! None of my family celebrate it because it's not really a religious festival--it's pagan, not Christian, and we're not pagan. So we get all the food and the pretty lights and the wonderfully annoying songs without any of the extra baggage.

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  3. That Blink video just reminded me of their little song that went "it's Christmas eve and I've only wrapped two f*cking presents" hahaha such a tune!

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  4. People always look at me like I'm insane when I say I hate Christmas! I'm glad I'm not the only one, I couldn't agree more with this!

    xo

    The Shelley Diaries

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