Saturday, 22 October 2016

If Strictly Come Dancing was rock and metal...


As an avid Strictly fan since the series began all those moons ago in 2004, I've always wondered why rock and metal tracks don't get the coverage they deserve. Of course, the in-house band aren't all that when it comes to approaching harder vocals (remember this Bat Out of Hell?) but why shouldn't we have our own edition? Instead of waiting impatiently for Halloween week and a rare glimpse of our world colliding with the dance realm, here are my picks for a special Strictly!

Tango
My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words
Firey and fluid in equal measure, the tango whips and spins just as much as the emotional rollercoaster of this Black Parade swansong.


Paso Doble
Rammstein - Du Hast
If you don't have a mental image of Till whipping a cape around, try again - nothing quite tops angry German metal to visualise the intensity of a paso.


Argentine Tango
Alice Cooper - Wind-Up Toy
Love isn't your usual subject for the Shock Rock God, so instead the Argentine tango can kick and sway its way out of the madhouse it's compelled to cling to.


Viennese Waltz
Metallica - Nothing Else Matters
Swirling, romantic and floating on a cloud, is there anything less Metallica than the Viennese Waltz?


Jive
Marilyn Manson - Doll Dagga Buzz Buzz Ziggety Zag
Jam-packed with flicks, kicks and tricks, we'd have to call upon Mr Manson to produce arguably the most chaotic and intense dance styles out there.


Samba
Foxy Shazam - Teenage Demon Baby
Glam rock has always been celebrating like there's no tomorrow, so the carnival dance fits quite neatly. If you're after tireless energy and a smile from ear to ear, Foxy Shazam are your men.


Waltz
David Bowie - As The World Falls Down
Consider this Movie Week, a chance to don a ridiculously puffy '80s wedding dress and waltz the night away with Bowie.


American Smooth
Ozzy Osbourne - Here For You
A little looser than the aforementioned waltz, the American smooth sways its way into your heart just like the Prince of Darkness' ode to his wife Sharon.


Cha Cha
Fall Out Boy - Young Volcanoes
Bold and bubbly, the cha cha knows no bounds and neither does this return to form from the pop punk pioneers.


Rumba
Steel Panther - Community Property
Probably the most romantic routine of them all, it would be a crime to overlook these masters of passion. Steel Panther know the way to your heart is through your underwear.


Quickstep
Andrew WK - Totally Stupid
Keeping up with the pace of the presidential Party Party candidate, the quickstep is a fast-paced jaunt to cover as much surface area of the room as possible. Pretty sure King Andrew can do this with his eyes closed.


Foxtrot
The Misfits - Saturday Night
Uncharacteristically romantic for the punk pirates, this dreamy solo serenade would frame a formal ballroom blitz with much less bloodshed.


Salsa
Rob Zombie - Dragula
Let's face it, there's nothing quite so intensely lovable than a hip-writhing, bone-bending twirl around the ballroom to Rob Zombie. Remember this for first dates.


Charleston
Panic! at the Disco - Crazy = Genius
An insane tempo, an in-built concept for costumes and an excuse to pour in the smoke machines - leave your inhibitions in the Clauditorium, the Charleston doesn't leave room for embarrassment.


Show Dance/Freestyle
Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff
Let's leave your imagination to figure this one out - if you've reached the final then you'd have to let Fred Durst take the wheel.

Who would be on your rock/metal Strictly judging panel? Drop a comment below!

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