Monday, 2 December 2013

Reflecting On Musical Idols.

Remember your teenage years, when angst, puberty and rubbish relationships reigned? I remember mine as if they were yesterday, and sometimes it feels as if they come back to haunt me. Especially recently.

Music was a fundamental part of growing up for me, I turned to angry lyrics and punchy revenge music to help me understand what was going on, and in most cases it stopped me doing something very stupid on a whim. I worshipped a certain band because they resonated with me as a stubborn, heartbroken teenager, because they let me know that I was far from alone. I always regretted never going to see them live to thank them in person for the ways they changed my life and supported me when I needed friends the most. Most importantly, I worshipped their singer because vocals are my kryptonite and I often found myself moved to tears by the emotion behind each syllable he sang through my headphones, as if he was sat there with me.

That band was Lostprophets.

Until that verdict was read, I was fully convinced Ian Watkins was innocent, as I was in the throws of a blind delusion that didn't allow me to even see signs of something very, very wrong going on with my idol.

When you see someone you've looked up to as a teenager change so drastically right before your eyes, when they're all over every ticker tape on the news, when they're on the front cover of newspapers alongside sickening words like 'paedophile' and 'baby rapist', you spend a lengthy amount of time in disbelief. To some extent, I'm still in shock and disbelief, despite the damning evidence, I can't quite imagine that this person who saved lives like mine in his band would destroy lives behind closed doors. I'm not entirely sure I'll ever be able to recover from these revelations, purely because I held Ian Watkins on a pedestal for so many years, it's going to take some time to distance the lyrics that mean so much to me away from the person who sang them.

This is as good a time as any to reflect on the celebrity idols we create for ourselves in life. The men and women we look up to, we only see them on television, movies, in the papers - we haven't the foggiest what's going on behind the scenes, whether they're just the complete opposite to who they appear from a distance, or whether there's something far darker lurking beneath the façade. When you hold someone so close to your heart without knowing who they really are, you're setting yourself up for an inexplicable fall when they show their true colours. Ian Watkins has shown his, and it's broken a piece of my heart that believed in all the words Lostprophets sang to me as a teenager.

Events like this have made fans such as myself feel so dirty, and there's nothing we can do about it. Even owning their CDs makes me feel sick, to think I've funded this lifestyle for a man who lied to everyone who believed in him. I can't even imagine the trauma the other members of Lostprophets must be going through in the aftermath, but I hope they can all work together and make the best of a terrible, horrific situation.

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  1. Brilliant post. I wasn't a huge fan of The Lostprophets but I did like them and I can remember when their videos were being played regularly on music channels. I remember the exact moment of finding out he was arrested and then the moment early last week where he admitted it. Admittedly I did believe it was going to be a guilty verdict as the evidence made public seemed too convincing, but having him admit it was another thing (and also the severity of the crimes). But it still hasn't changed the shock I felt and one week later the news is still sinking in. I hope the huge fans like yourself do move on, and so do his bandmates, his victims and his relatives. xxx

  2. I was a big fan of Lostprophets when I was 16 and I had posters of Ian on my walls. I still listened to them regularly but now I can't listen to them. Of course my hearts go out to the victims and their families, but also to his bandmates. They made their careers from this band and now they've lost them. They'll no longer be earning a living from the years of work they dedicated to the band. His actions have affected more people than you first realise.


  3. I had never even heard of that band until I saw the disgusting headlines. I can only imagen how shattering it would be to know that one of your teenidols is such a evil sicko. Ive read alot about it & it does seem the singer had big drug problems, and that in a combination with an obvious lack of any compassion for any other creatures on earth probably led to this behaviour. He seem like a very probable sociopath to me. Extremely sad, all of it.

  4. I've literally just had to write a post on my blog about the same topic because i'm still not sure about how i feel about this scandal. I feel that if i wrote a blogpost about it my thoughts in my head may become clear. as of yet they still haven't. we shall see.

    molly xx

  5. Im writing up my own post about this as we speak! Still in shock. Its absolutely mental! xox

  6. This really made me think. Well written, hope you'll get over it eventually.. :/

  7. I feel so bad fior the rest of the band. Like you I feel dirty for funding Ian Watkins and having their CDs, seeing them live and even fancying him back in the day... I hope we can all move on with time

  8. I agree, when I heard the news I was a little disgusted but a little part of me still thought it must be a lie, it's Ian Watkins! From Lostprophets! I do think that our celeb culture where we worship these kind of people need to change, its the reason why those women offered their children to him, because they were obsessed with him... I hope you are ok.

    Danniella Josephine xxx


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